Common Questions About Therapy and Counseling

Why do I need therapy? How do I know if I need therapy? These are some of the most common questions we encounter when it comes to questions about psychotherapy and counseling. Please see our list of frequently asked questions below to see if we can help clear up some of these concerns for you. If your question is not answered here, then please feel free to contact us. Click on any question below to jump to the answer.

• I can get plenty of advice from my friends; why do I need to come to therapy?
   
• How is the Bridge Builders’ approach different from other therapists’? How do you “bridge the gap” for example?
   
• What does “toolbox therapy” mean?
   
• Are there signs to alert me to get therapy?
   
• When will I know that I no longer need therapy?
  Will my therapist tell me or should I just stop coming when I feel better?
   
• How many sessions are typical for the therapy process?
   
• What are the “down sides” to therapy?
   
• Some people say that I will become good friends with my therapist – does that mean we can socialize outside of therapy?
   
• What are the requirements to reserve a Saturday appointment?
   
• What can I do if I don’t have a credit card but need a Saturday appointment?
   

I can get plenty of advice from my friends; why do I need to come to therapy?

Yes, you can get plenty of advice from friends, family, peers, and co-workers. It is important to have a large support network of caring people in your life. However, at Bridge Builders your therapist does not provide the same function. We don’t give advice. We help you build a bridge to get from where you are to where you want to be. Your friends will give you ideas about how to respond (or how they would respond) to an event or situation (it usually starts with "You know what I would do…" or "You know what you should do... "). We help you explore how your life is now, how you would like it to be, and what is standing in the way of your achieving your life-goals. Then we bridge the gap.

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How is the Bridge Builders’ approach different from other therapists’? How do you “bridge the gap” for example?

When you read the ads of most therapists, you will find a list of the problems they are willing or trained to treat. Most will list depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, family or relationship issues, and many other problems. Insurance companies want you to focus in therapy on solutions to your problems. Our approach at Bridge Builders is different because we focus on the person, not the problem and not the solution. We have found that by focusing on the person, the problem and the solution will emerge in ways that are clearer and more effective. One client called our work together "toolbox therapy."

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What does “toolbox therapy” mean?

There is an old adage that says "If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail." We are often ill-equipped and ill prepared for the obstacles we face in life. Perhaps the proper tool for the job is a "saw" and not just a "hammer." As your therapist, we will help you envision how your life will be different without the obstacle in the way. Together we explore means available to you now to overcome the obstacle or ways to obtain the means to change. Our job is to equip, guide, make helpful observations, ask tough questions, and be an understanding and trustworthy companion while you are working on your new life. During our time together we will create for you a well furnished "toolbox" to help you deal with obstacles in your path. Anything less is simply a "Band-Aid" and not useful long-term. We cannot achieve lasting results by focusing on the problem or the solution but we can by focusing on the person. With appropriate tools gathered and skills learned, the next step is to finish the "bridge" we have been building during the therapy process and then there will be no "gaps."

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Are there signs to alert me to get therapy?

Often people report feeling lonely (even when surrounded by people), repeated periods of crying without cause or explanation, feeling worthless or bad about themselves as a person, feeling hopeless or helpless to change, and negative self-talk ("I am so stupid," "I am a loser," "I never do anything right," etc.). Feeling like you are not communicating clearly – perhaps with your spouse, your children or your co-workers may also point to the need to get help. If you are hiding things from people you love and who love you – hurting yourself (cutting or burning), dysfunctional eating behaviors (binge and vomit or over-exercise, starvation, hiding your eating or food, etc.), using substances or other addictive behaviors (pornography, gambling, shopping, the internet, etc.) you may need help. Also, therapy can help if your life just is not measuring up to what you want it to be. Perhaps fear has prevented you from asking for a raise for the past 5 years. Perhaps your spouse or partner and you seem to have just stopped communicating. Children grow up and become adults and we may not have the ability to talk to them as adults because they are "our kids" and now your relationship is falling apart. Perhaps as a high school student you seem not to be able to get your parents to treat you at your true age (at 17 they want you in bed by 9 PM) and you feel helpless to get them to change. Perhaps you are preparing to go to college and you are not sure you are ready to step out on your own. These and many others are reasons to consider therapy.

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When will I know that I no longer need therapy? Will my therapist tell me or should I just stop coming when I feel better?

You will know when it is time and your therapist will know the end is coming a few weeks before you do. Your therapist will begin to gently explore reasons you are still coming to therapy or what your next goals might be. If it truly is time to end therapy, it will become evident to you because those guided questions will help you realize that you feel well-prepared and equipped to try life on your own. Usually we suggest a couple of additional sessions to "touch base" and to assist you to evaluate your progress. Saying goodbye is often an emotional but rewarding process in and of itself. The one thing you should not do is stop therapy without discussing it first with your therapist. If you have ever experienced a prolonged period of illness, say a fever or an infection that lingers on for a couple of weeks, you might be tempted to stop taking the medication when you feel better. That may be the third or fourth day. But by the fifth day you feel worse than you did so you take the medicine a couple of more days and stop again. Again you feel good for a day but you find yourself back in bed. Erratic therapy attendance produces similar results. You feel better, then worse, then better, then worse. You will blame the therapist or the therapy but like medicine left in the bottle, therapy only works when you are engaged in the process. Therapy is not like taking a couple of aspirin for a headache and so you only come to therapy "when you have a headache." Therapy is a process and a series of changes in the way we think, feel, and respond. If starting and stopping becomes how you approach therapy, your therapist may suggest that you reconsider therapy at this time – and perhaps to reconsider it at another time when you are able to commit to the process, the time, and the emotional investment that it requires.

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How many sessions is typical for the therapy process?

There are no "typical" numbers. It is like answering the question "How long is a piece of string?" There are some guidelines that we can share with you but they are not cast in stone nor are they meant to answer the question "how long." If what you are dealing with is due to a recent event, like the loss of a loved one after an illness, usually we expect four to eight weeks to help sort out the loss and associated feelings. Low self-esteem might be an issue someone has faced all of his or her life and we would not expect an eight week resolution to a life-long feeling and pattern of behaviors that may have resulted from that feeling. Here we may be considering several months to a year. Someone dealing with the experience of being at "ground zero" on September 11, 2001 might take years of therapy to work through that experience and the lasting impact it has left on them. There are complex “dual” issues that confuse people and must be addressed differently. Divorce may be a painful but necessary decision for one person, but an unacceptable choice for religious reasons to another person. And if the divorce is being brought on by the spouse, then that could create a mountain of spiritual or religious questions for a person of faith to sort out.

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What are the "down sides" to therapy?

There are down sides to be sure. You may feel differently about some people and some people will feel differently towards you. If, for example, you are in a relationship where you are not being treated well or you do not feel respected by the other person and then you learn new skills and acquire new tools that help you to recover your self-respect, how likely is the other person to appreciate and enjoy these new skills? Not likely. Abuse may intensify or other ways of controlling may emerge to make you return to the defeated, no self-respect person you were. But you will also have the tools and skills to deal with those events as well. Therapy often will bring up surprising and difficult thoughts and feelings that will have to be addressed. That is an expected and fairly common occurrence. You should feel free to discuss these events with your therapist.

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Some people say that I will become good friends with my therapist – does that mean we can socialize outside of therapy?

Your therapist will become important to you and may feel like your best friend when you are in the office. The difference is that in order to be an effective therapist for you, we must not be friends outside of the office. If we are friends outside of therapy, you may find it difficult to talk about certain subjects because you may fear it will "get back" to someone or you may fear a "slip up" at the wrong time causing you or someone you care about discomfort. Your therapist may feel unable to ask you tough questions or make observations that may be difficult for you to hear because you are friends. So no, you and your therapist cannot socialize outside of the office. That will diminish the effectiveness of therapy and reduce the possibilities that we can help you achieve. Our job is to provide a caring, safe, confidential, and non-judgmental environment where you can discuss the most profound thoughts and feelings of your life. We want to be your therapist and we want you to have friends.
 

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What are the requirements to reserve a Saturday appointment?

To reserve your Saturday appointment, we require a credit card number. No charge will be made to your credit card unless you cancel with less than 24 hours notice or unless you fail to show for your session on Saturday. At that time, either a "late cancellation fee" or a "missed session fee" will be charged to your card. If you cancel more than 24 hours in advance or appear for your session on Saturday, no fees will be applied to your card for the reservation; you will then simply be responsible for paying for the actual session your normal way.
 

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What can I do if I don’t have a credit card but need a Saturday appointment?

A cash deposit, bank check, or money order for $125.00 can be dropped off at our office by Wednesday and the appointment scheduled at that time. When you check out Saturday after the session is completed the cash or check can be applied to the negotiated session fee, the visit co-pay, your deductible, or returned to you. If you canceled 24 hours or more in advance it will be returned to you or at your option it can be held for another Saturday appointment.
 

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